Summer Blues and Break-Ups

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The breakup of a relationship is one of life’s inevitabilities. Save for those who are content (or not) with singledom forever, or the perhaps even rarer childhood sweethearts, we will probably all break a heart, or have ours broken (or ripped out and stamped on) at least once.

The first time I was broken up with I was sixteen. The relationship was a year and a half long; I was devastated for about a week, then I started hanging out with some new friends, got a new crush, and found out that the ex boyfriend had cheated on me multiple times. I took great delight in declining his pleads to get back together, in the end. In my second breakup I was the dumper rather than the dumpee, if you will forgive the crudeness. We had been together for four and a half years, and it was sad but necessary. I don’t think that I have ever felt more content or more confident in myself than I did after that relationship.

Then I was ghosted. One night after a fight with an on/off, emotionally abusive boyfriend, he told me that everybody hated me and just never spoke to me again. That was a very hard pill to swallow, although the real damage was done during the relationship itself. I was in a lot of pain, but being with him was so awful that feelings of relief and intense anger soon overtook my sadness.

Last week I was dumped again. We had just celebrated our first anniversary, we had trips and holidays booked, but he decided that he could not be with me any more. Our relationship had not been without its issues; I had a lot of wounds that I have not been able to heal yet, and I carry so much anger with me every day. I am, I was, difficult to be with.

All of my breakups have happened in the lead up to summer, my favourite season. Summer for me is characterised by good weather and good times. It means holidays and road-trips and festivals, or simply sitting in the park with your friends and some warm cans of lager. I love the smells and the sights and the sounds of summer; light and late evenings, touching warm hair on my head,  my freckles reappearing.

The summer after a breakup is different. I will go home from the Friday night pub garden trip alone, and I won’t get to hold hands on the beach or kiss in the shade of a tree. I will miss out on experiences with a friendship group that I cared about deeply. I will experience a grief of sorts as I look back on memories or photos from last summer and as I carry on and do the things that we were supposed to do together by myself, or with a friend. This summer is, ultimately, ruined at worst and bittersweet at best.

But I will be alright, eventually. One message I received last week likened heartbreak to heart surgery. Right now it feels like a gaping wound, but sooner or later it will heal and, though I will be left with a scar, I will be okay again. So here’s to warm skin, warmer beers, and looking on the brighter side.

Dress – Urban Outfitters* (see similar below)
Bag – Urban Outfitters* (similar)
Sandals – ASOS* (similar)
Sunglasses – Miu Miu*

photos by Georgia

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dino necklace – Orelia / constellation necklace – Muru* / crescent necklace – Muru*

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  1. Holly White 4 years AGO REPLY

    You will be okay Hannah – you’re a gorgeous and fabulous girl! And, i guess everything happens for a reason? Maybe? I dunno…

    I’ve been going through a break up too – mine with my first ever boyfriend – and well, I’m completely heartbroken lol.
    Turns out he’d cheated on me, but for some reason I seem to be void to the fact he’s done that and still be completely infatuated with him (lord help me).

    Reading about you and the boyfriend who had cheated on you has made me realise that maybe I need to be a little bit more cut throat about the situation. But I just think I’m far too soft, and this heartbreak is the worst, and I think I want to imagine it’s not happening.

    This all a bit too TMI for a comment on a blog post, but I just felt like I could vent here haha. Plus, I hope you know you’re not alone in the whole ‘summer singledom’ thing.

    What I’d give to have a romantic summer… but I’ll probably be crying into a margharita pizza somewhere hahaha

    Sending you all the hugs xxx

    • hannahlouisef 4 years AGO REPLY

      oh Holly, I really feel for you. and I think that in many ways the first break-up can be the hardest, especially if you didn’t feel ready for it. I know you’re probably sick of hearing this but if he cheated on you then he is not worth your time any more. you’re allowed to be sad and angry and all of that other stuff, but the longer you resist accepting that it needs/needed to end, the longer you will draw out the pain for.

      I know it just really fucking sucks, but you will be alright <3

  2. Sarah 4 years AGO REPLY

    This was such a beautiful and honest blog- thank you for letting us in on this. Break ups are a bag of s**t but with each of them we can learn something new about ourselves. Make this summer about exploring a part of yourself and bettering yourself for you and you alone. Make your world a brighter place for you and only when you’re ready and they’re worthy then invite a man friend to be part of it. Have a great summer xx

  3. Ewa Macherowska 4 years AGO REPLY

    Great as always! x

  4. Lucy Jane 4 years AGO REPLY

    I’ve never been through heartbreak which as a 19 year old I don’t know whether thats strange or not? I’ve never been in a relationship and do crave to have someone to be with but then the fear of heartbreak and being left is kind of scary. You are an amazing gal but amazing gals still go through shit and it will only make you stronger! Wallow in this feeling for as long as you want as everyone goes through things differently, just remember there is always a huge, bright, shining light at the end of the tunnel, you just might not be able to see it yet!x

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

    • hannahlouisef 4 years AGO REPLY

      I don’t think that’s strange at all! it is a part of life, unfortunately, although I do think that you can learn a lot about yourself through heartbreak and the period that follows it. thanks so much for commenting <3

  5. Talisa 4 years AGO REPLY

    I’m also in the throws of a recent breakup, and he also left after making all these different plans with me for things we would do and places we would go. It hurts like hell, especially, like you said, having to now do certain things alone or with a friend. It just doesn’t feel the same. Going to certain places where we frequented hurts like no other.

    But i keep trying to tell myself that I’ve been here before and I survived those past breakups, therefore nothing’s stopping my surviving this one either. Some days the pep talks work, some days I just lay in bed with my thoughts and cry every half hour. Hopefully it’ll all get better.

    Thank you for being so open about what you’re feeling, and know that you’re not the only one going through shitty times and a shitty heartache right now x We’ll be fine, in time.

    • hannahlouisef 4 years AGO REPLY

      <3 thanks so much for this comment, we will definitely be okay soon xx

  6. Lisa 4 years AGO REPLY

    Heartbreak sucks, and there’s no need to beat around the bush with this one. Allow yourself to feel sad and heartbroken, but remind yourself that you are young, you WILL find someone who deserves your love and you, too, will heal. Since my last break-up in August 2015, I have been unable to open up to anybody – mostly due to this last relationship being horribly emotionally abusive, putting me into therapy and leaving me with anxiety to this day. But I’m not giving up hope that meeting the right person at the right time will finally get rid of the curse – and you shouldn’t, either xxx

    • hannahlouisef 4 years AGO REPLY

      I can relate there Lisa – I hope you’re doing a little better xxx

  7. Mariah 4 years AGO REPLY

    Beautifully written. Break ups are so hard and they along with the relationship at time cause so much damage. I’m going through my own right now and life just sucks. Learning to do things on your own and missing the person. Everything is changed and nothing is normal until it is again. I hope you find your new normal again soon.

    I recently wrote my own breakup post >

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